Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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