sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
