I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
