i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
