first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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