I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
