His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
