3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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