I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
