What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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