im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
