Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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