i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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