Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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