I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
