I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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