i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Never joke about your clitoris.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
