please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
