im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
