I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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