If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
