I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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