You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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