You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
