I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He shit in the fireplace
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
