Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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