Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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