Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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