Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
