So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
