someone threw a dead crab at me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
