Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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