i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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