Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
