I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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