So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
