Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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