Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
