Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
