Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
