May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
