drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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