You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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