It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
