Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
