If that was your dad, he is hot
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
