i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize