my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
