WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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