i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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