i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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