butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
