So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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