Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
