lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
