your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
