Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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