I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize