You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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