why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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