I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
