I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
